Do you get angry?

ANGER is an emotion most if not all of us have experienced at some point in our lives.

Unfortunately, children with unmanaged anger can grow up to face big problems. That is why it’s so important to help your children learn to process negative emotions in appropriate ways from an early age.

No doubt, raising children is harder than ever these days no matter which way you look at it. Negative role models and the slow but gradual disappearance of social restrictions encourage children to express unrestrained emotions that can wreak havoc on families and society.

Anger management clearly needs to be a priority for raising our children.

Research from the Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons and the New York State Psychiatric Institute indicates that child behaviour problems are omens of adult partner violence as are severe punishment (abuse) and childhood exposure to abusive relationships between adults.

Anger may simply be a feeling of extreme annoyance but it is believed to have three components.

The Emotional State of Anger: The first component is the emotion itself, defined as an affective or arousal state, or a feeling experienced when a goal is blocked or needs are frustrated. For example, conflict over possessions, physical assault, and verbal conflict among others.

Expression of Anger: The second component of anger is its expression. Some children vent or express anger through facial expressions, crying, sulking, or talking, but do little to try to solve a problem or confront the offender.

Others actively resist by physically or verbally defending their positions, self-esteem, or possessions in non-aggressive ways. Still other children express anger with aggressive revenge by physically or verbally retaliating against the person that provoked them.

Some children express dislike by telling the offender that he or she cannot play with them or is not liked. Other children express anger through avoidance or attempts to escape from or evade the offender. And some children look for comfort from adults they look up to or feel at ease with.

An Understanding of Anger: The third component of the anger experience is understanding, interpreting and evaluating the emotion. Because the ability to regulate the expression of anger is linked to an understanding of the emotion, and because children's ability to reflect on their anger is somewhat limited, children need guidance from parents and other adults, in understanding and managing their feelings of anger.

Having looked at the three stages of anger, it is imperative for parents, teachers and other adults with the welfare of children at heart to use child guidance strategies to help children express angry feelings in socially constructive ways.

Children develop ideas about how to express emotions primarily through social interaction in their families and later by watching television and reading books.

However, encouraging children to acknowledge angry feelings and to help them learn to express anger in positive and effective ways still remains a major challenge.

Anger management for children
If you have toddlers or even preschoolers, you know that they are still learning to control their tempers, especially in public. It is important to remain calm during tantrums and outbursts, but also to be firm and consistent in issuing discipline so your child will take you seriously. Young children anger management tips include distracting your little ones from disgruntled emotions when they threaten to burst into angry behaviour.

However, the best anger management strategy for children is for you, as a parent, to be a good role model; to familiarise yourself with anger management tips, strategies, and techniques that both help you to cope with the stresses of modern day living as well as being anger management tools to share with your children.

Experts also suggest that to be most effective, anger management for children needs to be implemented before adolescence. Additionally, when a child learns to control his anger in pre-teen years, parents reap the benefit of a calmer environment during the child’s adolescence!

Teenage children anger management tips
When dealing with teenagers, you may have to substitute diplomacy and tact for discipline in this age group. Learn how to be a good listener, quietly asking your son or daughter about their day at school, friends, social activities, and concerns or problems.

When you see that they are visibly upset about something, calmly explore that area by asking more focused questions or inviting discussion. In addition, you may want to talk about acceptable ways of expressing displeasure, such as avoiding certain situations, politely asking for substitutions, or suggesting alternative ways of doing something.

Let your children know in clear terms which behaviours will not be tolerated, such as the use of profanity, throwing things, slamming doors, or refusing to cooperate with housework or homework. You may even invite your teenager to help write the guidelines, along with suggesting appropriate consequences for infractions.

Teenage children anger management tips may include rewards for self-control and appropriate anger processing.

Children need to see a balance between love coupled with forgiveness and discipline linked to consequences. Let your teenage children know you are on their side, but that as they mature, they must become responsible for managing emotions, including anger, in adult-like ways that are socially acceptable.

It’s important for parents to remember that their children spend just as much time learning about themselves as they do learning about the world around them.

Although children need to know that anger is a natural, healthy emotion, they also need to learn that like other emotions - love, sadness, joy - anger needs to be expressed appropriately.

Finally, tell your child that everyone (even you) gets angry. Part of being a good role model is letting your children know that you too are susceptible to anger. Let your child know about a time when you were angry and anger management helped you successfully resolve the problem in a positive way.




Source : www.zambiapost.com